Christmas Joy

A lot of things have changed this year ... but one thing has remained.

I still hate Christmas.

Massive thank you to my relatives for taking me in this year, I really appreciate how much effort you have put in these last few months to make me feel like part of the family. It's the first time I've actually celebrated Christmas in a long time. Food was unbelievably incredible too!

Maybe I'm just not ready for Christmas yet.

I kind of feel like it's all just a cover.

A dying tree covered in plastic ornaments.

Presents covered in paper ... presents for what? I buy you a present so you buy me a present ... why don't we just buy ourselves presents?

Turkey covered in gravy.

Faces covered in makeup.

Let's not even start on the Christmas carols.

And the smiles, plastered to everyone's faces ... what are they covering?

One day I'm sure I'll rediscover that "Christmas Joy".

Until then ... I'm just glad it's another 365 days until Christmas comes again.

End of Foundation Course

 

 

So apparently after excessive amounts of adrenaline follows a disgusting come down. Thanks for the heads up.

Wake up Sunday morning feeling more excited than ever. 4 hours before show time on Sunday, I started to get real ill. Spent a few hours wanting to vomit. Got an instant hit of extreme tiredness. Followed by serious depression. 30 minutes before show time, I start crying for absolutely no reason. Smeared my makeup all over my face which then stressed me out more.

But once it was show time the adrenaline kicked back in and we're ready to go! This drug is actually crazy. But both shows were absolutely amazing and I'm so proud of all our efforts! Can't believe we actually pulled it off!

Anyway, it feels like it's all finished much faster than it started. Which doesn't even make any sense.

Basically I'm just sad it's over.

End of Circus Chapter 1.

 

I've learnt many, many things in the last 16 weeks. More than I could have possibly imagined I would. The one thing that stands out above all else, I LOVE CIRCUS!!

 

Many more dreams to chase. Many more chapters to follow.

 

xo

Feeling High

Wow.

Never felt so stressfully nervous in my life.

Can't eat.

Can't sleep.

Can't breathe.

Dress run the day before the show, I almost fall off the pole.

Bump up the nerves more.

Want to vomit.

Want to scream.

Want to cry.

Then.

Bright lights.

Hundreds of people.

All watching you.

Friends.

Family.

Drugged up on outrageous amounts of adrenaline.

I cannot believe how much fun I had last night.

Everything was perfect.

I am incredibly excited to do it all again.

Circus Geeks.

I fucking love you.

xo

13 hr days

Less than a week til show time. 

Shit just got real.