Christmas Joy

A lot of things have changed this year ... but one thing has remained.

I still hate Christmas.

Massive thank you to my relatives for taking me in this year, I really appreciate how much effort you have put in these last few months to make me feel like part of the family. It's the first time I've actually celebrated Christmas in a long time. Food was unbelievably incredible too!

Maybe I'm just not ready for Christmas yet.

I kind of feel like it's all just a cover.

A dying tree covered in plastic ornaments.

Presents covered in paper ... presents for what? I buy you a present so you buy me a present ... why don't we just buy ourselves presents?

Turkey covered in gravy.

Faces covered in makeup.

Let's not even start on the Christmas carols.

And the smiles, plastered to everyone's faces ... what are they covering?

One day I'm sure I'll rediscover that "Christmas Joy".

Until then ... I'm just glad it's another 365 days until Christmas comes again.

End of Foundation Course

 

 

So apparently after excessive amounts of adrenaline follows a disgusting come down. Thanks for the heads up.

Wake up Sunday morning feeling more excited than ever. 4 hours before show time on Sunday, I started to get real ill. Spent a few hours wanting to vomit. Got an instant hit of extreme tiredness. Followed by serious depression. 30 minutes before show time, I start crying for absolutely no reason. Smeared my makeup all over my face which then stressed me out more.

But once it was show time the adrenaline kicked back in and we're ready to go! This drug is actually crazy. But both shows were absolutely amazing and I'm so proud of all our efforts! Can't believe we actually pulled it off!

Anyway, it feels like it's all finished much faster than it started. Which doesn't even make any sense.

Basically I'm just sad it's over.

End of Circus Chapter 1.

 

I've learnt many, many things in the last 16 weeks. More than I could have possibly imagined I would. The one thing that stands out above all else, I LOVE CIRCUS!!

 

Many more dreams to chase. Many more chapters to follow.

 

xo

Feeling High

Wow.

Never felt so stressfully nervous in my life.

Can't eat.

Can't sleep.

Can't breathe.

Dress run the day before the show, I almost fall off the pole.

Bump up the nerves more.

Want to vomit.

Want to scream.

Want to cry.

Then.

Bright lights.

Hundreds of people.

All watching you.

Friends.

Family.

Drugged up on outrageous amounts of adrenaline.

I cannot believe how much fun I had last night.

Everything was perfect.

I am incredibly excited to do it all again.

Circus Geeks.

I fucking love you.

xo

13 hr days

Less than a week til show time. 

Shit just got real. 

Foundation Course Week 10

3 weeks left until our final performance. Not one student that isn't injured. Everyone is in stupid amounts of pain. None of us sleeping right. All of us stressing.

But it's circus. And there's always time for fun.

:)

 

Welcome To The Circus

Feeling so pleased with myself for finally mastering my handstand on the Chinese Pole.

Thought I'd take it up a notch by throwing it in my routine 5m above ground.

And then I fell.

Head first.

From handstand to crash mat in a quarter of a second.

Yet for a good 5 seconds, I felt myself fall to my death. For 5 whole seconds, I watched my entire world shatter beneath me. For 5 seconds, my heart stopped beating.

Then I landed in a soft cloud of crash mats, watching my heart beating on the floor beside me. All I could feel was the place where my heart had been ripped out of my chest, 15 silent eyes staring at me in shock, a burn on my left shoulder and a serious appreciation of life.

I am fully aware that falling and potentially seriously injuring myself is something extremely common in circus, and will happen to me many more times. I just don't think it's something I'm ever going to get used to.

Welcome to the circus.

Adventures With Bina

I am well and truly in love with this beautiful girl I hang out with.

 

 

She helps me find home amongst the city.

 

We're sitting on top looking out over the Thames river and the city, surrounded by bush and snacking on lollies when she says "Yeaaahh, this is living". Wise words from a 6 year old.

 

 

Yeeeoooowwww we found a rope swing!! We also found a pile of pasta which led to someone rolled up in a sleeping bag next to a bottle of vodka ...

 

Yea, this is living.

Foundation Course - Half Way Point

At one point I thought I wasn't going to make it. Then I blinked ... and it was over.

Things I've learnt

• How to fly
• How to cry
• I don't dance
• How to climb a rope using my toes (not something I plan on pursuing)
• The importance of protein, movies in the bath and sleep
• It is crucial that I learn to use fire and break dance
• I can watch Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels more than 10 times and still want to watch it again
• There are two types of people in life - hula hoopers and jugglers. Of which I am a juggler
• It is not physically, mentally or emotionally possible to work 60+ hours a week of physically strenuous work for extended periods of time. (Obviously haven't learnt my lesson very well, I'm considering doing it for another 3 years)
• London will rape your bank account
• I have an abnormally bendy back and CAN do the splits
• 
• Stretching is far more traumatising when you talk about the pain
• Conditioning is much harder when you waste your breath to whinge
• Everything in the circus is painful
• All pain doubles in intensity when you talk about it
• A week off is not a week off when you spend 70% of it working, 20% at the circus and only 10% resting.
• In my worst hours, the sky brings me much joy
  
• There is a special place in my heart reserved for the Chinese Pole
• There is a much larger space for Ben & Jerry's Icecream
• You are not having a "little bit" of icecream when eating straight out of the tub
• I love the hard work, the people and the pain. It's been 4 days since we last trained. I've somehow managed to find myself at the circus on 3 of those days. I actually really miss it all. Can't wait to get back into it soon.

San Francisco 49ers vs Jacksonville Jaguars

 

 

I am still in awe of being amongst 84 000 people. The atmosphere is so electric that it didn't even matter I had no idea how the game worked. Every now and then I'd see a ball fly around and the rest of the time ... well ... there were half naked cheerleaders directly in front of me. Was I supposed to be watching the game?

 

Just found out that the tickets priced from £329-799. I almost feel bad for getting paid £40 to work for two hours then watch the entire game on almost front row seats ... but then I think of the cheerleaders.

 

 

Location: Wembley Stadium, LONDON



Feeling broke

Could do with a hug right about now.

Madness

Okay these 75 hour weeks are killing me now.

Can't believe I'm even considering doing a 3 year bachelor in circus arts. Anyone would think I was mad.

Oh yea ...

I am mad.

Foundation Course Week 3

ACRO BALANCE!!

Well and truly the most exciting thing since Ben & Jerry's Doughble Whammy ice cream on chocolate banana pancakes (not my breakfast this morning....)

I think as a group we would be more than happy to focus on acro balance for conditioning and acrobatics every morning for the next 12 weeks. However we have a new trainer from this week and apparently he's going to make us work hard. As if we hadn't already been working ourselves to breaking point for the last 3 weeks.

Things are getting better every day though! Surprisingly, I've started feeling less and less exhausted each day. And my muscles are starting to ache (a little) less. The bruising, in particular behind my knees, is looking exceptionally brutal, but it no longer feels like someone has beaten my legs with a baton. Also the blisters on top of my calluses are quickly become calluses on top of my calluses. I can definitely see the formation of my monkey paws.

And my strength is VERY rapidly on it's way up! On day 1 I could not even do one pike pull up but on Friday I managed 7! I am also on my way to doing one handed cartwheels. 

I can juggle balls and scarves. Walk on a tight rope and a walking globe. Definitely can't unicycle.

Went out with a few training buddies to watch Limbo at Southbank during the week. It's well and truly boosted my inspiration to be part of the circus life. Watching sexy topless guys bump chests on sway poles ... not sure what else one could want in life.

Limbo has also made me need to learn fire.

Cool Story Bro

So in the last 6 weeks I have moved country for absolutely no reason and then also decided out of the blue to join the circus.

Which is all very exciting and all.

But honestly ... cool story bro.

Needs more dragons.

So I got one.

Meet Django.

He's a red coral bearded dragon and my new best friend and lover.

He's 5 weeks old and 13cm long from the tip of his nose to the end of his tail.

He likes crickets and broccoli, hot summers days and long walks on the beach.

One of these days I'll learn to control my impulses. For now I'll let them roll.

How many dragons does your story have?

Foundation Course Week 2

Week Two has definitely been the biggest road block for all of us, I'd say. We've literally spent all week looking like zombies.

My body wants to crash and burn. My muscles have been working so hard and it's so cold here that I'm being woken up all night to my muscles cramping. I want sleep so bad that I could cry.

But it's comforting to know that there are 7 others who feel just as bad as I do and are pushing through with me. And that it's working! I've already had people mentioning how muscular my shoulders are looking ;)

I actually almost have faith that we'll be achieving the Flowers by Moby challenge by the end of 15 weeks!

Miss you Australia.

xo

Foundation Course End Week 1

 

I made it. I actually made it.

There have definitely been several moments this week where I've questioned why I'm putting myself through this.

8 hours a day, Monday to Friday of putting my body through hell. Followed by volleyball, rock climbing, underwater hockey and up to 21 hours of work a week. Anyone would think I was mental.

But somehow ... I'm absolutely loving it.

I'm absolutely blown away by how amazing this Foundation Course actually is. I have bruises on my feet and behind my knees and my abs are so sore that it hurts to go to the toilet. Even through the pain, everyday is filled with laughter (and obviously complaining) and awesome people.

Huge shoutout to all of our trainers for being so inspiring and supportive! Kate, I feel like all it's taken is your physical presence to turn my cartwheels from being an absolute embarrassment to something I'm almost proud of. And Kat, if my body doesn't look like yours in 15 weeks I want a refund.

Also I can't say enough about the crew at Rooftop Café. If it wasn't for you guys I would curl in a ball and and wish to die just thinking about work. You are the reason I love hospitality.
 
My apologies to the rest of the world.

My life is better than yours.

Foundation Course Day 3 Week 1

Feeling pain in parts of my body I didn't know existed.

Already sleeping in the yoga room during lunch break. 

Carnival

Carnival 2013

Absolutely fucking mad. 

I would never have seen so many people over a 4 month period. 

I have never been asked if "I'm alright" so many times. 

Never drunk so much Jamaican lager. 

Never danced to so much reggae. 

Never been surrounded by so many smiling faces. 

Never been so high and not known how. 

Never been so unprepared and unexpectant of what I was walking into. 

Never experienced such madness. 

Carnival 2014?

Location: Notting Hill, London

The Depression

 

Just come back from beautiful Dorset. It definitely feels good to be home but I'm well and truly questioning my choice to live in London.

 



 

Beautiful beaches, sunny skies, warm days. Butterflies and countryside. Waking to humming birds instead of screeching trains.

 

And I come home to the depression.

 

 

It has rained all day non stop today. 140 more days of terror.

 

Hurry up Cornwall 2014.

Cheers For The Memories

I still love you.

xo

London Downfalls

Krispy Kremes and bagels.

You will be my greatest London downfall.


Location: London Bridge Tube Station

Sunset Views

Cheers to the sky for making me feel at home wherever I am.

Troughton Lane aka my "home" The walk down my street has never felt more welcoming than it did today with the sky looking so amazing. I wish these photos even slightly captured it.

I felt so inspired that I took a walk down to my local pub - Anchor & Hope. An unbelievably dodgy location but the views of Woolwich Ferry and Canary Wharf are pretty sweet. Maybe these views will one day inspire me enough to risk hanging out there for more than 2 minutes.

Dear Housemate

SERIOUSLY!

Every morning you wake me up to you talking on the phone.

Every day you get home I listen to you talk on the phone.

Every day I try to fall asleep listening to you talk on your god damned phone.

Firstly you are going to end up with some sort of cancer.

Second, it is seriously unnecessary to talk at volume 10! The phone will pick you up at volume 3!

Third, you sound like a girl.

One of these days I'm going to malfunction your phone.

Work

Tomorrow I have an interview at a pub at 4pm and am doing my first shift at Rooftop Café at 6pm.

Why am I stressing about finding a job?

Settling In

Things are finally starting to look like we're getting somewhere.

I've managed to open up a new bank account. Cheers Barclays for being the only helpful, friendly and supportive bank that I've come across here.

Still getting no where on the job front and still got a hundred and one things to organise.

But I have finally moved into a new place in Charlton!

My room is just big enough for me to walk alongside my single bed and my housemates seem to enjoy pretending I don't exist. But give it some time, I'm sure I'll be calling this place home soon enough.

Sorry Woolwich, I really did give you a good shot. Not sure if I can really handle the human shit smeared pavements, bed bug infested houses and being asked if I'm a hooker during all hours of the day. I value being able to walk around my own neighbourhood without worrying about getting raped. Maybe some other time.

Still going through a bit of a culture shock. I miss Margies more than anything right about now.

Day 4

So overwhelmed by everything that's going on right now.

Silks Roller Derby Performance

 

Yeeeooowwwwww cheers Jimena for being such an inspiring trainer. The performance was heaps of fun!

Couldn't have asked for a better last night in Margies.

Huge shout out for the small handful of people who came to watch me. Will never forget.

The Beginnings

Day 2

Still sleep deprived.

Already hating sleeping with 12 other people and sharing a shower and toilet with 24.

Struggling to open up a bank account let alone organise NHS and a tax number and NI.

Still have not got a job.  Just got a phone call for a trial shift at a restaurant along the river.

And already have had dickheads running down streets to chase me down and say hello. Not to mention the guy that stopped in the middle of the road and held up traffic just to get out his phone and take a picture of me and drive off.

Oh and I'm not sure what made me think living in London was a good idea when I hate crowded cities.

But I couldn't be more excited right now to be soon calling this place home.

Just checked out an amazing room that I hope to live in along the river in Woolwich. Literally a 2 minute skate from Aircraft circus. Which by the way, is AMAZING. I am so incredibly excited for this foundation course to start!

And I couldn't believe what just so happened to be right next door!

Yeeeeoooowwwww! Time to unpack the climbing gear!

Also a huge shout out to my Aunty, Uncle and cousins for making me feel part of the family :)

I can definitely feel the beginnings of something great.


Location: Dover Castle Hostel, LONDON

olleH

Finally today is the day! Waiting at the Perth Airport to board my plane. 

I have waited for almost a year for this day to finally come. I have stressed for weeks to prepare and now I suppose I should feel excited, maybe relieved, maybe nervous. 

But all I can think about is the fact that in 25 hours I will be 14761km away from you.

8 months ago I had a one way to ticket to the other side of the world and could not have been more excited to go. Then I met you and you were the last thing I wanted. 

But the only thing I wanted. 

I still don't understand everything about you. How you could spend $400 to watch a game of soccer or how you can drink wine every day and believe its good for you. No idea how you get away with being so ridiculously amazing at sport and for an average person your brain should not be able to hold so much information and random trivia. I don't think I'll ever understand why you loved me even though you knew I would leave you. 

But I thrive for the unknown and you have been everything I could have ever wanted and more. Thanks for bringing me sunshine during winter. Thanks for being the logic through my senseless chaos. Thanks for making me smile. 

James Cameron Revie, I fucking love you. This feeling was worth it for every second I got to spend with you. 

Passionfruit Cupcakes with Passionfruit Curd Filling

Less than one week left in Australia and my most pressing urge of course, is baking.

Not sure why.

But these are delicious!

Passionfruit cupcakes with passionfruit curd filling!

Passionfruit curd filling:

 Ingredients:
4 Eggs
2 Egg Yolks
3/4 cup Caster Sugar
3/4 cup Passionfruit Pulp (Approx 12 passionfruit)
125g Butter (chilled and cubed)

• Combine eggs and sugar in a large microwave safe bowl and beat until well combined. The mixture should become pale in colour
• Add passionfruit pulp and butter and stir to combine (don't worry the butter will melt soon!)
• Microwave for approximately 6-7 minutes, stopping after each minute to whisk the mixture.
• Once mixture thickens up, dip a dessert spoon in. When it is ready it will coat the back of the spoon.
• Pour passionfruit curd into a large dish (cools faster than in a small bowl or jar!) and cool before refrigerating.

Note: This curd recipe is idiot proof. I accidentally forgot to stop and stir the mixture in the microwave. It was in there for a full 5 minutes before I remembered. Mixture looked like it wanted to turn into scrambled eggs but with a good whisk it came real good!

Vanilla Cupcakes:

Ingredients:
2 1/2 cup Self raising flour
1 t Salt
4 Eggs
1 1/2 cup Sugar
3 tsp Vanilla Extract
1 cup Oil (vegetable or canola)
1 cup Buttermilk (or 1 cup milk with 1tbs white vinegar or lemon juice)

• Preheat oven to 180 degrees C and line two muffin tins with cupcake cases.
• Mix up buttermilk (if you're making your own) and set aside, this will look funny and chunky when you go to use it later.
• Beat eggs for about 20 seconds and gradually add sugar. Beat for another 30 seconds.
• Add vanilla and oil to egg mixture and beat.
• Add a third of the flour mix to the eggy mixture (make sure your beater is on a low setting or the flour will fly everywhere!) and beat.
• Add half the buttermilk and beat then add another third of the flour. Add the remaining buttermilk and then the flour and beat until combined.
• Pour the cake batter in to cupcake cases about 2/3 full and bake for 12-14 minutes.
• Cool in tin for five minutes before transferring to a cooling rack. Wait for them to cool down completely before icing.

Passionfruit Buttercream:

Ingredients:
220g Butter (softened)
2 cups Icing Sugar
5 tbs Passionfruit syrup (put pulp through sieve to get rid of the pips)

• Beat butter for a few minutes until nice and fluffy.
• While butter is mixing, sift icing sugar into a large bowl and set aside.
• Add 1 cup of icing sugar 1/2 cup at a time.
• Add the passionfruit pulp one Tablespoon at a time, making sure it reaches the consistency and flavour you want.
• If you want more flavour or a softer icing add more passionfruit, if it's getting too soft try adding some more icing sugar until it's right!

Cake assembly:

• To fill the cupcakes with the passionfruit curd, cut large circles out of each cupcake, make sure to keep the tops!
• Spoon a couple of teaspoons (as much as you can fit!) into the cavity.
• Replace the cupcake top so it sits neatly on top, like a little hat.
• Smear icing on top of cupcak
• Enjoy! These bad boys are so delicious it is seriously hard to stop at one, just warning you!

 Thanks to Lydia Bakes for the recipe!

Stress

In exactly two weeks I will be on a plane on the way to London.

Fuck.

Things to do list:

• Sell my god damned car
• Sell two tents, a skateboard, surfboard and viola
• Sort out tax return
• Open up a British bank account and transfer savings
• Get rid of half my shit
• Make a routine on silks for performance night before flight (bad idea)
• Finish knitting a jumper and pair of socks
• Find an extra $2000
• Surf

Let the stress begin.

Oh yea, I'm allergic to stress.

L

Never Looking Back

Everybody dreams.

Our brains are actually more active when we sleep than when we're awake. Apparently, whether or not we remember them, we'll spend 6 years of our lifetime dreaming. I think I'll spend more.

Two years ago I had this dream. I woke up and didn't remember it ... but for some reason it led me to break up with my fiancee and move to Margaret River.

No matter where I end up, I think deep down I'll always consider Margies home. Thanks for giving me friends, love, happiness and a whole new concept on life and the endless opportunities it has to offer.

But I've still been dreaming. And I've learnt to chase my dreams. Follow them wherever they lead me and never look back.

So with my new British passport and one way plane ticket ready to go, I couldn't be more excited to travel the world. First stop London.

Oh and apparently my dream included joining the circus.  Not sure where that idea came from, but I'm sticking with it.

Two weeks to go.

Love,
L


Location: Margaret River WA, AUSTRALIA